Closed Mouths Don't Get Fed

Closed mouths don't get fed, really.

At least here in the States, self-promotion and over-the-top antics can often get you in the lime-light (see Mark Cuban pic to your left).

This means speaking your mind and letting your ideas be heard rather than holding back because how others may see you. Holding back is easy to do because there is no risk for not saying anything.

The problem with not voicing your ideas is that it turns into a habit of holding back in other areas of life and living a low-risk lifestyle.

In other words, no pain, no gain.

Yes, speaking up also means owning up to what you throw out there. I use Mark Cuban as an example because he will keep his antics no matter how many fines he receives from NBA officials.

That is an extreme, but he is a good lesson taken with moderation. There is no need to become brash or abrasive, there are plenty of people in the world who behave that way already, so why be yet another?

Instead, live up to your own example and show the confidence to speak up when the timing is right.

Nifty New Site Design

It's about time Blogger evolved out of the dark ages of its dozen or so stock designs that have rarely changed for the past several years.

This will help it keep up with the likes of Wordpress and other blog-hosting sites that have continuously improving their themes and layouts.

Anyway, enough of my griping about the site aesthetics, ya'll came here for the content so enjoy the nifty new site design and regular posting as I get around to it.

How to Spot and Benefit from Social Patterns

I recently turned 30, and one thing I've noticed myself doing more is looking back on my life as well as forward. That's good and bad, depending on we look at it. 

Chart Your Own Course, Do Your Own Thing.

It usually pays to fit in socially: it feels good to fit in, especially with our social circle. But sometimes it pays to chart your own course and do your own thing.

Almost everyone who accelerated in their field from business to sports did so by taking a risk of rejection or failure... or both.

We face similar decisions on a smaller scale when we decide either to follow the herd and group-think our way through life or decide to chart our own course on the way we choose to navigate life.

Yes, I know, "navigating life" sounds grandiose but really, who's life is it and who's the one in charge of living it?

It's easy to set our course on cruise control and let the boat sail itself. It feels good to go auto-pilot, but are we getting to where we want to go?

I find it much more refreshing and enjoyable to shape my own life experiences while fitting in at the same time. And looking back, it was the popular kids back in the day (and now) who set the trends by first fitting in, then setting trends.

I'm not proposing that we all ditch our social intuition and do whatever we want, but rather re-think how others shape the way we think and chart our course in life. More importantly, we develop independence and learn to be the leader of our own lives.

So to begin, start small: deviate slightly from the norm to see what happens, then gradually march more closely to the beat of your own drummer. Follow others where it makes sense but be sure to deviate as necessary.

I'll throw in a concrete example from my experience to drive this post home: I'm Asian and growing up, all my friends were Asian. It's an easy and comfortable to have friends from a similar background, especially ethnicity. Our similar upbringing shaped our similar attitudes in life.

But over time I wanted to challenge my attitudes on life and see a different perspective. I took my own advice by starting small and making friends with people outside my social circle of different ethnicities. Small and simple yet profound in the change to my social life.

Of course I've kept some friends over the years but also grown through my relationships with people of all colors, age and background. It's made me open-minded and less likely to pass judgement on how others choose to chart their own course.

In conclusion, it's not only refreshing to do your own thing but empowering. Sure you have no one to blame for the failures along the way of your journey but also get to bask in all the glory when you're in the process of getting to where you want go.

How to Work the Room and Break the Ice Effectively

We've all faced the situation like the one pictured where we're working the room (or at least trying) and doing our best to break the ice mostly with strangers.

For many of us, working the room and meeting new people can become a chore - it can even be uncomfortable.

After all, we're taking a social risk by starting conversations with people we know nothing about. 

I think part of the issue is that we as human beings like to operate from a frame of familiarity. We're creatures of habit, and social interactions are no different. We like to interact with the same people everyday (most of us, anyway) because it feels comfortable.

Even within our social circles, we maintain the same friends and maybe see a new face on occasion. But beyond being comfortable, how rewarding and exciting is this approach to meeting new people?

First of all, people we don't know aren't strangers, they're simply new people in our lives. I like to think in terms of people I haven't met because they're still people, just like you and me.

It's like seeing the glass half full rather than empty because it's not about breaking the ice with strangers but connecting with another human. It may be easier for me to socialize because I'm an extrovert (getting my energy by interacting with others), but it should be obvious that we all share similar personality traits even though we may of different age, gender or walks of life.

We all feel burned out sometimes, exuberant on our "invincible days" where nothing seems to hold us back or plain grateful for living in a great city, surrounded by an awesome group of friends. 

So breaking the ice is about connecting with new people - it's an opportunity to bring new perspectives and personalities in your life. After all, what could be more full than interacting with the same people day in, day out?