Practical tips for making you more approachable

Being approachable is about projecting yourself to women to appear more available and "friendly"for them to approach you. Put another way, have you thought about:

Which strangers to greet and smile at as you're walking down the street? (start doing this now if you don't already)

Or

Which person to ask for directions when you're trying to get somewhere?

Approachability is an assumed "like-ability" that women assume about you even before they've met you. Women intuitively qualify for men who are her type, and this gets that process going.

Here are 7 things I found to work for me in developing this ability:

1. Take a genuine interest in people and assume the best about them:

Set aside the agendas and learn the enjoy the company of people. Think about how you can help others rather than what you can gain from them. Put another way, the more we help others, the more they help us.

Now assume the best about people and their intentions. Learn to ignore the small things about other people that irritate you and focus on the positives that make a connection or relationship work. Rather than work against the tide of letting small things turn into impasses, focus on what works and how to connect with that other person.

So when approaching a woman - rather than working on getting her attention or getting her number, think about how to make a connection first and how she can make a good fit into your life (however that works out in your case).

Think about what value you can bring into her life whether it's sharing your enthusiasm, recommending a new book to her or showing her a new skill. Pay it forward, and the rewards will come back many fold to you.

2. Smile and greet everyone:

Even if they don't greet back. Get in the habit of getting eye contact from people, and you'll eventually be able to draw it.

Ever think about how to lock eyes with a hot girl? Start practicing with everyone, then it becomes automatic.

When you greet people, relax your body and smile a relaxed, natural smile. No forced-photo smiles here, but one that conveys genuine warmth. Again, practice makes perfect, and it makes sense to practice with people we know and when we're out walking around in public.

Approaching women is really about greeting them. You're not trying to find the perfect line - it's about saying the first thing that comes to mind, even if it's "hi".

3. Be interested and be interesting:

If you're an interesting guy who's interested in what she has to say, then she'll listen in return. That means cultivating an interest lifestyle, read: the lifestyle you want to live.

Yes, live the life you are truly passionate about and share your passions with others. Likewise, take an interest in the passions of others. Whether she's cramming for a mid-term or finishing up a business proposal, take a genuine interest in that to learn something new.

Learn to hold eye contact with in conversation with her and try some humor in various points in the conversation. Women always list "good humor" as one of the qualities they look for in men, so give the people (women) what they want...

4. Be enthusiastic about whatever you're talking about:

Energy and enthusiasm are contagious, so spread it to women as you're engaging them in conversation. Get into whatever you're talking about with intensity, body language and mannerisms.

If you're talking about surfing (which I like to do), then share that excitement of paddling after a wave or exhilaration of being out on the beach and being miles away from your troubles.

Remember women are attracted to us by the way we make them feel.

When we share excitement and energy with them, they'll remember that and take away with them how good we made them feel in that conversation.

5. Look for other ways of how she can fit into your life:

Life is more than just about meeting women (as fun as it can be). Many times we meet women who we may not want to pursue for one reason or another (she may be a co-worker, involved in your social circle, etc.) - so look for ways to involve her in your life outside the romantic portion.

Doing so says the right things about you:

a. You're not always pursuing women (though you take the opportunities presented to you)

b. You're bringing value to her by involving her with whatever you're passionate about

c. She'll most likely be appreciative and bring value of her own (sharing her interests, introduce you to other people, etc.)

So look for opportunities to involve women in your life, just as you look for opportunities to meet them.

6. Build value into every interaction and connect emotionally:

Rather than focusing on getting a woman attracted to you or getting into her pants, focus on sharing your experiences and emotions. Rant and rave about what you're into and keep an open attitude of involving her.

Learn to share without fear of judgment. Rather than think, "oh, she won't think that's cool", she'll think you're cool because you're so into what you're doing.

Women are process drive, not outcome drive. As a result, women communicate by sharing emotional processes, so the medium is irrelevant. Women are interested in the person you're becoming and your emotional states, because that is how they think.

You do this by describing how your experiences and interests make you feel. Does it get you excited, because you're absorbed by what you're into? Anxious, because you're out of your comfort zone? Or Grateful, because you have the time to enjoy in all these activities?

7. Learn to let go and do what you do (think broadly, not narrowly):

Again, think process, not product or result.

The result comes out of the process. When we live an interesting lifestyle, we end up attracting interesting (and many times attractive) people into it.

And to operate through process, we need to focus on value, what works and open-mindedness to how others can fit into our lives.

Rather than focusing narrowly on the type of woman we want in our life, focus on how to bring many women into your life, all helping you in different ways because you reached out to make a connection.

Many times we blow our chances with women by thinking narrowly or exclusively (pun intended, who says you need just one?):

We think too hard about the perfect line to say to her.

We focus only one possibility: getting the girl, when in fact she may eventually come around in the long run or introducing us to her other, attractive friends.

We limit ourselves to "our type" when target selection is really about mindset, attitude and what she brings to the table for you.

We get in our own way when we micro-manage our expectations and developing an open mindset helps us take advantage of more opportunities.

5 Steps for implementing this post into action this week:

a. Share at least one passion/interest with someone in one conversation, daily.

b. Greet someone you normally wouldn't take the time to greet/nod/smile at because they do "menial work": doorman, janitor/cleaning staff, bus boys, gardener, construction workers (if you drive/walk by a job site), etc.

c. Write out a list of your "ideal qualities of your type" and turn it into a list of you"ideal qualities in women". So if you listed your ideal type as being slender, then slender = athletic/toned = likes to do sports/takes care of her appearance thru diet and exercise.

d. Write out a list of activities you are doing instead of meeting new women, then think up ways to integrate meeting women into these "busy activities". So if you listed work as a reason to not be meeting more women, then list, "meet women during coffee break".

(this one pointer alone now gets me one new phone number weekly just by being open-minded about meeting women when I'm in the gym rather than trying to dash thru my work-out)

e. Do one thing this week to add value for one of your friends, acquaintances or member of your professional network. For example, write a positive recommendation on someone's social media (facebook, LinkedIn, etc.) webpage.